101 ways to annoy Jareth

Inspired by ZippyTheAvenger’s 101 ways to bother the Phantom. It really made me laugh and think about other characters that’d be fun to annoy – and the Goblin King just screamed “victim” at me *grins evilly*

101 Ways to Infuriate the Goblin King

1: Replace his tight tights with short shorts (it just had to be done).

2: Steal his socks (you all know why) *tries not to stare at his crotch*

3: Every time you see him run full speed at him shouting tag and knock him over. Repeat this till he catches on

4: Repeat the above, then laugh at him when he attempts to run after you. Running in those boots cannot be easy

5:  Next time a baby is wished away steal it from him yelling “IT’S MINE! IT’S MINE!!!!!!”

6: Tell him that straight and sleek shampoo will help every time he looks depressed

7: Sing all the songs in the Labyrinth in a high pitched and annoying tone

8: Repeat the above as often as possible

9: Show the fiery’s where the castle is

10: Set deck chair in front of castle. If he asks what you’re doing, say “waiting for the show to start”.

11: After 9 and 10, enjoy the show :-D

12: Call him the wrong name at least 3 times.

13: When referring to him as the majesty, make as many random and amusing voices as you like. Make sure there are a lot of goblins between you and him; it could get nasty

14: Pour superglue on his throne

15: Cut holes through his hedge maze and tell him you found a shortcut

16: When he’s nice to you – scream, laugh, and then faint.

17: Rearrange his throne room at least once a week when he’s away/busy for the day

18: Imagine what you could do if he was gone for a week *grins and gets to rearranging the castle*

19:  Stare with your mouth hung open at his hair – do this for at least 10 minutes, even if it means following him

20: Lift his crystal ball and say “my precious little crystal ball see’s all my dear” in a funny voice and cackle

21: Look knowing fully into the ball and tell him his fortune doesn’t look too good.

22: Sing puppy love every time he’s nice to a goblin

23: Steal his masquerade mask and spend the rest of the day pretending to be “the evil witch of the west”

24: Fill the moat with rubber duckies

25: Throw a temper tantrum – and I mean fall down on the ground kicking a screaming – when he tries to make you wear a dress

26: Form a conga line in his throne room.

27: Poke him with a stick when he’s asleep

28: Run off screaming “It’s the night of the living dead!!” when he wakes up

29: Offer to do his make up

30: When he asks a question ponder it very carefully – continue to say no for the rest of the day, even if he’s not asking a question

31:  Tell him beer kills brain cells while you’re downing a bottle

32:  Make soup for him in a cauldron and quote the witches from Macbeth when he passes by

33: When he ask you what you’re doing tell him “not to worry his pretty little head”

34: Tell him Raphael stole his style.

35: Make a fan girl squeak every time he comes into the room

36: Mention his loss to Sarah as much as possible and continuously say Lah-ho-sah-her!

37: Ruin all his dinner parties by running about shouting “Move up, move up! Clean cup, CLEAN CUP!!”

38: Ignore him and fawn over Hoggle

39: Reassign Lord Didymus to guard the castle gate

40: Quote “Nothing tra-la-la?” when he says nothing’s wrong (it’s a must)

41:  Knock a slinky down the stairs in the Escher room and continuously sing “everybody loves a slinky” – Ace Ventura’s awesome :-D although I really should stop watching it.

42: Sing “I get knocked down” when he’s trying to work… or read… or sleep :-D lol

43: Paint yourself blue and create lurvely little blue silhouettes of you on the walls in his bedroom. I really want to do that to someone’s room O_O

44: Tell him he’s just jealous because the voices talk to you and not him

45: Build a bar in his Labyrinth hehe (you’d never know I’m Irish)

46: Cry when he asks how you are to try and entice him into giving you a hug

47: The above will only work once so abuse it as much as possible – e.g. glump him till he can’t breathe!

48: Commandeer his giant gate robot thingy. Tell him it was for the good of the nation

49: When asked to explain the above, tell him if you told him, you’d have to kill him, and then walk of humming the “great escape” tune

50: Give him straighteners for his birthday

51: Interrupt his speeches to you (and by this point there’d be a good few) by saying “Shhh… Yep, I hear a beer calling me” and walk off

52: Complain about how many disclaimers I’m gonna have to make once I’ve finished this parody. Insist that it’s his fault

53: Sing “manam manah” continuously and persuade the goblins to join in. It’s a catchy tune *grins*

54: Tell him you have an owl fetish and wink

55: Every time he yells at you, faint

56: Run and pounce on his throne every time he tries to sit down

57: Sing “dancing on the ceiling” at an annoyingly loud volume and as horribly as possible when you’re in the Escher room

58: Actually it doesn’t matter what song you sing. Singing in general would probably annoy him

59: Tell him Loki is more mischievous than he is

60: Summon Loki to prove it!

61: Tell him that technically you’re a Fae – according to Irish myths, I would be *grins*

62: Steal the most useless and pointless things you can find

63: Tell him it was in the name of Piracy!!

64: Snort at his boots and tell him new rocks are faaaaaaarrr better

65: Walk round his castle making weird noises for a day – make sure they’re ten times louder when he’s near

66: Steal his riding crop

67: When he’s mad at you, tell him you’ll buy him a new wig. Make sure you have running shoes on

68: Shout “help, help, I’m being repressed!” when he’s near you (dear god, the disclaimers list is just getting longing)

69: Keep a firey as a pet

70: Use as many baby names as you can while petting the firey – I doubt the goblin king would want to be spoke to like that, but he’d definitely hate being ignored more

71: Ask him if he knows who David Bowie is

72: If he throws a toga party, go dressed as a goat

73: Scream every time he eats a peach saying “it’s poisoned, it’s poisoned!!”

74: Bribe the old man into giving you his hat for the day – should be interesting

75: Dress like him for the day – although the tight tights wouldn’t be as hypnotising or impressive O_O

76: Place a bouncer outside the castle and tell him no one with tight trousers is allowed in

77: Laugh manically at him for a few seconds. When you get no response say “Well? Laugh!”

78: Give him a wheel of cheese. When he asks why just nod knowingly and wink

79: Run through his Labyrinth in any and every direction screaming at the top of your voice

80: Whenever he complains about you being there, croon that “it’s only forever, not long at all”

81: Show him all the fan fictions of him and Sarah.

82: Ask him what happened to Major Tom

83: Recite poems you’ve wrote about him

84: When he ignores them, leave them lying on his bed

85: When this fails, stick them round the room – one for each blue silhouette you left before ^_^

86: Scream “No top!” and faint, especially if he’s fully clothed

87: Dance around his throne room to a tune that only you can hear

88: When he stares at you nudge the air at your side and say “here, what’s he looking at?”

89: Get him drunk and take loads of silly photos.

90: Use them to blackmail him

91: Ruffle his hair at every chance you get

92: Write “Do not steal” on every bit of food possible

93: Cry when he says he’s busy

94: Tell him his CG owl doesn’t fool anyone

95: Change the floor in his throne room into a bouncy floor

96: Ninja chop him with a pillow. If ya knock him down plant your foot on his back and proclaim you’re the world’s best pillow ninja

97: Sing “I know a song that’ll get on your nerves”

98: Slap his arse and wink saying “alright sweetheart”

99: Tell him “It’s not fair”

100: Change your hairstyle to look like his. Say you wanted to make him feel better

101: Introduce his goblins to red bull